The Keys to Resilience
Let’s face it, life is never going to be still and calm all the time; the waves are going to crash and the storms will come. Resilience is the magic ingredient which helps us weather the storm, swim against the tide and dive to the depths when we need to.
But resilience isn’t bottomless; it can be tested and drained if we don’t nurture it. And we can find the storm harder to navigate, and take longer to recover if your resilience has depleted too much.
We’ve often been told to be more resilient, without anyone ever really telling us the how, the steps to build resilience. And even worse you might have been told you’re ‘so resilient’ (the sign of a toxic work environment if ever I saw one) when you’ve dealt with a challenging time without fuss, whilst you’re crumbling inside. Making it even more difficult to ask how you build that resilience back up!
Resilience is more than thinking positively, or seeing the bright side of a situation. It’s a muscle of resources, which we need to consistently work at. As we work and build this muscle, we become more practiced on drawing on it, but if we don’t fuel those workouts, there’s nothing to feed it, and we run the risk of burning out.
So, by building our resilience up, we can hold on tight and sail through to the other side of the storm. It doesn't mean we should shy away or hide from the storms, in fact the research shows us that adversity offers us opportunities for personal growth and finding new meanings; if we are able to navigate these challenges with the right support, it can lead to transformation.
So, when we talk about resilience, we’re really thinking about the resources to get us through a tough time, and the belief that there is life on the other side.
Here are the 6 Keys to resilience
Reframing the situation.
This means we can find other perspectives and ways of seeing the situation. This doesn’t mean subscribing to the idea of ‘others have it worse, so its ok’ or ‘everything will be fine in the end’ - these really represent the world of toxic positivity which has not place in building your resilience!
2. Drawing on our positive emotions.
This is where the idea of filling our cup comes in. If we create space and time for activities, relationships, experiences which bring us positive emotions we have a well to draw on; we trust that there will be positive again. And beyond this, experiencing positive emotions does something magical, it creates an upwards spiral, which opens up our minds, enables us to think bigger, see bigger and find new solutions.
3. Being physical.
This one’s easy, though perhaps easier said than done. Moving our bodies releases those super powerful endorphins. But, one size doesn’t fit all, and what is important is finding the exercise or way of moving your body you enjoy that is important. Not what your mate says is the best.
4. Friends and family
Connection with others, especially those who support you and lift you up is essential. Not only does this help with all those positive emotions, we know that we’re not alone, and we have people to call on when we need help. What’s really important though is these aren’t those one-sided relationships where you’re giving and they’re taking. We’re talking about those reciprocal relationships of mutal respect and care.
5. Knowing our strengths.
It can feel obvious that we know what we’re good at, but actually the research shows that we don’t always know. Making time to understand what we’re naturally good at, and then focussing on these strengths is great for us, again it helps with those positive emotions, but more importantly it helps a sense of accomplishment and achievement, which reinforces our sense of self and competence. You can find out about your strengths here.
6. Finding the positive in the future.
If we can see our way through the storm, and see that there is space for the positive in the future, it can help us navigate the challenge now. Again, this isn’t about denying the challenge or difficultly, in fact it’s the opposite, it’s saying this is hard right now, but it can be better. This vision of the future helps us find the small steps to take us there.
If you want to find out about how coaching can help you build you resilience, book a call, I love to chat.