Who Are You Beyond Work? Reclaiming Your Identity Outside of Charity Leadership

More Than Your Job Title 

When did what you do become who you are? I have to say I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened to me, but I know by the time I was a senior leader in the charity sector, it felt like charity work ran through me like Brighton through a stick of rock. And why wouldn't it? Here we were, my colleagues and I, doing work that aligned perfectly with our values, addressing society's problems, making things better. What could be better than enjoying your job, feeling like you're contributing to society, and working towards a cause you believe in? 

This belief is supported by the research, which shows this sense of purpose is powerful. When we identify work as a calling - it motivates us, helps maintain our resilience and supports our wellbeing. But here's the warning I wish I'd heard earlier: there's a fine line between healthy motivation and complete identity absorption. I've seen it in myself, my colleagues, and now in the leaders I work with - that gradual shift where work moves from being something that energises us to something that erases everything else we are. 

The Gradual Loss of Self 

The pattern is almost always the same. It starts early in your career, when you first discover your passion for the sector. Your team feels like family, you're facing challenges together, supporting each other fiercely. In the face of austerity and the cost-of-living crisis, it feels like you and your team against the world. You're the ones trying to make things better. It's the perfect breeding ground for an overwhelming sense of responsibility. 

Which is reinforced by those around us. There's this persistent belief that those working in the third sector are 'good people' who do this work out of the kindness of their hearts, who are 'privileged' to make a difference (if I had a pound for every time someone told me my work must be so ‘rewarding’ I’d be on a beach somewhere).    

Then comes career progression. In the charity sector, we often move into leadership positions earlier than the average age of 36 which Glassdoor reports. These early leadership roles are where the real identity merge begins. You're so committed to the organisation's mission that you'll do anything to prove yourself. You want to protect your teams, fix the problems you see, make everything better. Work becomes more than important - it becomes everything. The idea of doing anything else becomes unthinkable. 

Early Warning Signs: Is Work Becoming Your Whole Identity? 

This means we can very quickly become so deep in it, we don't realise work has taken over. Before we look at the impact this has, let's pause for a moment. Here are some subtle signs I often see in charity leaders: 

• Friends and family have stopped asking about work because it's all you talk about 

• You feel anxious or unable to relax when you’re on holiday 

• Your diary is full of work commitments but there are few personal ones 

• You can't remember the last time you did something just for fun 

• Decisions about when you go on holiday, or what you do at weekends revolve around work 

• You feel guilty doing anything that doesn't contribute to the charity's mission 

• Your main friendships are all within the sector 

• You struggle to switch off because there's always "one more thing" to do 

If these feel familiar, you're not alone; these patterns creep in gradually, often disguised as dedication to the cause. But recognising them is the first step to making a change. 

The Impact on Your Life 

It starts subtly. That occasional late night becomes the norm. Checking emails "just in case" becomes frequent. You tell your teams they can call whenever because you don't want them to feel unsupported. Gradually, the rest of your life starts to slip. You cancel plans, skip the gym, become too tired for the things that once energised you. 

But here's the irony - the less you do the things that make you feel like you, the less time you spend with the people important to you, the more work fills that gap, creating a vicious cycle where work becomes even more important because it's now your main source of connection and meaning. The things you love start feeling self-indulgent. Even when you know you need boundaries, guilt creeps in at the mere thought of not giving work everything you have. 

Why This Happens to Leaders 

This pattern isn't by chance. When work feels like a calling, and the demands become greater than our resources, we push ourselves toward impossible standards (because we have to make a difference, it’s what we’re here for after all) and we don’t want to let people down; which means that it becomes all encompassing. 

There's also the pervasive myth that sacrifice equals commitment. Our charities are guided by values like "going above and beyond" or "going the extra mile." While these values are meant to show that we won’t give up on people or the mission, they often translate into an expectation that staff and leaders should work until they drop. 

Add to this the sector belief that "the work is hard, and that's just how it is." And it’s no wonder you feel like you do. But just as we challenge "we've always done it this way" in other contexts, we need to challenge this belief too. The idea that the sector must run on goodwill and self-sacrifice isn't just outdated - it's harmful. 

Remembering Who You Are 

When work has taken over completely, it can feel impossible to remember who you are beyond your role. While it might be tempting to start by reimagining your whole work-life balance, that can feel overwhelming when you're disconnected from yourself. 

Instead, start with these questions: 

- How do you want life and work to feel? 

- What one activity, hobby or pastime feels like 'you'? 

- What are your strengths, and where could you use them outside of work? 

- Could prioritising things you enjoy be an act of self-care instead of an indulgence? 

- What would you love to do or learn if only you had the time? 

- Which friends or loved ones would you like more time with? 

- Where else might you find meaning in life outside of work? 

Once you have your answers, consider what one thing you could start to bring into your week, which can become a cornerstone of who you are outside of work. An achor if you will which brings you back to you. For me, it was my yoga practice. I'm not the most committed yogi, and I struggle to practice outside of class, but I know that fitting in one yoga class a week helps me feel more like me. It's become my guiding light - when things feel off, when I'm tired or losing motivation, I ask myself: "Am I doing the things that make me, me?" 

 A Better Way to Lead 

What I've learned, both personally and through working with countless charity leaders, is that reclaiming your identity beyond work doesn't make you a less effective leader - it makes you a better one. When you have interests, relationships and sources of joy outside work, you bring a fuller self to your role; you model healthy boundaries for your team and you make better decisions because you're not trapped and overwhelmed in the bubble of your charity. It will mean you can lead with perspective, not just passion. 

Conclusion 

Think back to that stick of rock metaphor? Here's the thing - you're not meant to be one-dimensional. You're not meant to have 'charity' written through your core so completely that nothing else fits. You're meant to be a complex, multi-faceted person who happens to lead a charity. 

Making a difference can be part of who you are without becoming all that you are. And by letting yourself embrace all that you are, you’ll make a greater difference, by setting the tone for your teams, enabling them to do their best work. 

Start small. Pick one thing that makes you feel like you and protect time for it boldly. Not because it will make you a better leader (though it will), but because you deserve to exist beyond your job title. Ask yourself: "What one small thing could I do this week that has nothing to do with work and everything to do with who I am?" 

If you're ready to explore who you are beyond your leadership role, let's talk. Together we can create a way of leading that allows you to make a difference while being true to yourself.