Those 3am Doubts: When You Wonder 'Can I Really Keep Doing This?

Do you remember the last time you woke in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling, your mind racing with all the things you haven't done, all the people who need you, all the decisions waiting to be made? That moment when the whisper creeps in: "I don't know if I can do this anymore." 

If you're nodding along, you're not alone. As someone who's spent two decades in the charity sector, I've lost count of how many dedicated leaders have confided in me about these moments of profound doubt. The CEO who told me, she was at the point where she might make herself unwell, a feeling she hadn’t experienced before and meant she wasn’t sure she could carry on. Or the director questioned why she was choosing to stay in a job she was finding overwhelming, she didn't know why she was choosing to stay and putting herself under the pressure. 

These points aren't just uncomfortable moments – they're critical junctures that can determine whether talented leaders stay in the sector or walk away. 

The Reality of Doubting Yourself  

The weight of charity leadership can feel crushing. You carry not just operational responsibilities but the weight of your mission, your team's wellbeing, and the needs of those you serve. When doubt creeps in, it doesn’t just show up in those middle of the night worries, it can also manifest physically – the tightness in your chest, the constant tiredness, the disturbed sleep that leaves you exhausted before the day begins. 

In addition, these doubts rarely suddenly arrive. They build gradually as you push through one challenge after another, telling yourself that you just need to get through this difficult period, that things will ease up soon. Until one day – often at 3am – you realise you've been telling yourself that for months, perhaps years. 

The question shifts from "Can I get through this week?" to the more existential "Can I keep doing this at all?" You begin wondering if you're the right person for the role, if you have what it takes, if the sacrifice is worth it. 

But this isn't just emotional discomfort – it affects your ability to lead. Decision-making becomes harder; your confidence wavers; and the creative thinking your charity needs becomes impossible when survival mode kicks in. 

Recognising Your Breaking Point 

Before you can address these doubts, you need to recognise when occasional worries have evolved into something more serious. The signs aren't always obvious because, as charity leaders, you're remarkably good at pushing through. 

Look for these warning signals: 

Your physical wellbeing is suffering in ways you can't ignore – persistent sleep problems, tension headaches, digestive issues, or a constant state of exhaustion that no weekend can cure. 

Work has invaded every aspect of your life – you can't remember the last time you were fully present with family or friends without mentally drafting emails or worrying about work problems. 

You've lost perspective – small setbacks feel catastrophic, criticism cuts deeper than it should, and you can't see a way through challenges that once felt manageable. 

The difference between normal stress and a breaking point often comes down to recovery. We all face difficult periods, but when you can no longer bounce back – when one challenging day rolls into weeks and months without relief – you're approaching dangerous territory. 

What Moving Forward Looks Like 

Breaking points, while painful, can become powerful turning points when approached with care. 

The path forward isn't about pushing harder or simply carrying on. It requires creating breathing room – physical, emotional, and thinking space to not only regain perspective but to reset. This might mean having difficult conversations with your board about expectations, reshuffling priorities, or finding additional support. 

Moving forward means separating what may be temporary feelings of overwhelm from a deeper dissatisfaction with work. Usually, these 3am worries are telling you something important about whether the job, the charity or your career are really what is right for you now, which need addressing. What was right when you started your career might not be anymore; purpose changes, and that’s ok. 

Most importantly, what feels like a breaking point can lead to breakthrough moments of certainty about what you need work to look like. Many charity leaders I've worked with look back on their toughest moments as catalysts for positive change – not because the moments themselves were positive, but because they finally gave themselves permission to question what they wanted, and what made them happy. 

Finding Your Way Through 

If those 3am doubts have become regular visitors, remember that acknowledging them is a sign of strength, not weakness. The leaders who sustain themselves for the long haul are those who recognise when something needs to change. 

You entered this sector to make a difference – but that doesn't mean sacrificing yourself in the process. Creating a more sustainable approach to leadership isn't selfish; it's essential for the communities you serve. 

If those 3am doubts are keeping you awake more nights than not, let's talk. Book a free 30-minute chat where we can discuss what's really going on and whether I might be able to help you find a path forward that honours both your mission and yourself.