Using the strengths of love and kindness
If you’ve been in my world for a while, you’ll know I have a real interest in my client’s character strengths. Character strengths are 24 attributes or aspects of personality which inform how we behave, think and feel, and when we craft our lives around them, playing to our top strengths, they help us flourish.
The research into character strengths shows us that on the whole there is very little gender difference between the expression of the 24 character strengths, we are more alike than perhaps we think we are. There are four strengths which have a higher presence in women (Heintz, Kramm & Ruch, 2017):
Love
Kindness
Appreciation of beauty & excellence
Gratitude
I have to say I’m wasn’t particularly surprised by this, but just to be clear, this doesn’t mean that men don’t have these qualities, they absolutely do, we just see them more in women.
There is also emerging evidence that certain character strengths are more prevalent in those working in caring professions (Huber et al, 2020), specifically
Love
Kindness
Fairness
Honesty
Judgement (Which is the ability to make informed choices/decisions, not making judgements of others)
I find this overlap interesting, though perhaps not unexpected given that there is often a higher prevalence of women working in caring professions after all. And whilst these are interesting stats, I think this can also give us insight into the experience of those working in charities, the impact on their wellbeing and what we can do about it.
According to Third Sector magazine, 9 out of 10 of charity workers experience burnout during the pandemic, not surprising given the extra pressures charity workers faced, but I wonder how character strengths of love and kindness may contribute to the exhaustion (and eventual burnout) third sector workers can experience.
If we look at each of these strengths, Kindness is doing favours and acts of kindness, helping and caring for others, and is characterised by generosity & compassion; Love is valuing deep relationships, along with reciprocity along with sharing and caring. This really resonates with me when I think of the people I know and who I’ve worked with in the third sector, they’ve been a kind and caring bunch, often giving themselves and their time without thought for themselves.
And this I think is the issue, those strengths of love and kindness are directed to their work, their loved ones, their friends. They don’t get much of a look in themselves. They have a beautiful gift, which they simply give away.
Good news is things don’t have to stay this way, there are ways to use these strengths towards ourselves, it just takes a little reflection and practice.
Imagine how love and kindness show up in your life at the moment and answer the following questions
How have they shown up over the last week at work?
How have they shown up with your friends?
How have they shown up with you family?
How have they shown us with acquaintances and strangers?
I bet you have quite a list, now,
5. How do you feel when you use these strengths?
6. What do you think about when you use these strengths?
Next
7. How have you used loved and kindness towards yourself over the last week?
8. How could you use love and kindness towards yourself?
Last but not least,
9. How will you use love and kindness towards yourself for the next seven days?
Most importantly write these commitments down or put into your diary – you are much more likely to do these things if you schedule them.
If you want to explore your strengths in more depth, book a chat.
Refs
Sonja Heintz, Christoph Kramm & Willibald Ruch (2019) A meta-analysis of gender differences in character strengths and age, nation, and measure as moderators, The Journal of Positive Psychology, 14:1, 103-112, DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2017.1414297
Huber, A., Strecker, C., Kachel, T., Höge, T., Höfer, S. (2020), Character Strengths Profiles in Medical Professionals and Their Impact on Well-Being, Frontiers in Psychology, 11, DOI:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.566728