You know your why for work, but what about for life?
You started your career with big hopes, you were going to make a DIFFERENCE. You saw injustice in the world and wanted to do something practical about it.
So, you did.
You worked hard, you climbed the ladder, hoping each rung up would make more of a difference. But the work seems never ending, and you’re not sure if anything is really any better than when you started. Sure, you’ve helped individuals, but the system around them seems the same, if not worse.
And amongst this, you’ve faded to the background, third place behind work and family. Your why for them seems so clear, but what about your why for you? Maybe there’s more than just making a difference for others? But to know our why, we need to know where it comes from, and what helps guide us to it. Our why is rooted in our values.
What are values?
“Values are intentional qualities that join together a string of moments into a meaningful path”
They are deeply held beliefs about the world, ourselves, others, and they bring the meaning we feel to our lives.
They guide and justify our actions, opinions and decisions; they guide the direction our life will move in.
Despite being so deeply rooted, they can be intangible, and they can change, so we can find ourselves living at odds with them.
They can act as an internal warning system which tells us when something is wrong. That feeling of uncertainty, the uncomfortableness, discontent might just be your values shouting something needs to change. Or more, you’re letting yourself know that your values themselves have changed, what was important at 21, might not be the same at 39. You’ve grown, life has changed, your priorities are different. Maybe that burning desire to change the world has transformed to being a good parent, and living a satisfying life.
The key to change.
So how can values help us create change?
How many of us have started the New Year with a resolution that we just can’t stick to (I certainly have)? If we’ve not managed to stick to it, we’ve not got to the real value, the real why behind it.
So, for example, you’ve resolved to lose that stubborn stone of weight that’s hanging around. You know you’ll look better; you know there will probably be some long-term health benefits, but you can’t really feel those right now. Something comes up at work, you stay to deal with it instead going to the gym. Sound familiar? But it sounds like looking better, or an intangible health benefit doesn’t connect to a value. But perhaps exercising as a way of being better able to play with your kid, or setting them a good example for health might connect with your values, you’re more likely to do it.
Even better, when we’re in touch with our values they can help us in those tricky moments of short-term gain vs. long-term pain, hello post work wine and cake. Remembering our value of the importance of health is going to help us say no to that second glass of wine.
When life and work collide.
A rubbing point for values can emerge at work. When you joined yours and the organisations values were aligned, you felt on the same page. You stayed feeling like this for a while, you were working for the same outcome, and as part of this organisation you really felt you were making the difference you wanted to.
But over time something’s shifted, it might be that your values have changed, that what was important before maybe isn’t now. Maybe the organisation's values have changed – perhaps there’s been a merger, or shift in focus of the business and it isn’t what is once was. Or perhaps the organisation’s values remain the same, but how manifest at work is off; we all know the organisations who say they value their staff, but their behaviour says something else.
It doesn’t have to be like this though, you don’t have to sit in that uncomfortable position.
What to do
Know your values
You’re going to want some time for this, and I’d recommend some post-it’s, a big bit of paper and some pens, and a space you can stick this up so you can revisit it.
Find yourself a quiet spot, and half an hour or so. Start by thinking about what qualities, behaviours, actions are important to you and start to write these down.
Once you can’t think of anything else, group them together.
Then ask why. Why are these important, write these down. Keep going, grouping and asking why, and this should refine your post-its.
Keep these up over a week or so, and check in with them, what are you drawn to? What is missing.
(You can do this in a team at work as well).
2. Reflect
Now you have a clearer picture of what your values are now is the time to think about how they are (or aren’t) showing up in your life.
You might want to think about different aspects of life (e.g. work, family, relationships, health, activities) or think more broadly.
Ask yourself how life aligns with these values?
Are there any areas which don’t line up with your values?
What needs to change?
Remember, life is what you make it.
If you want to dive deeper into how your values and your why can help build a vision for what you want life to be let’s chat.