When was the last time you didn’t feel guilty?
Working for a charity is often a joy. The moments you see a client overcome the challenges they face, where you get a great outcome for the communities you serve, when the KPIs reflect the hard work of all your staff are some of the best moments. You’re reminded why you do what you do, and it feels like it’s all worth it. But so often the work doesn’t feel like this, nearly everyone I’ve worked with in the charity sector has felt guilty at one point or another, without good reason to. In this article, I’ll explore why, and what you might be able to do to alleviate some of those feelings.
People are often drawn to working in the third sector because they want to make a difference, it’s a calling if you will. This desire to make a difference can be a double-edged sword, on one side we have a brilliant motivator – when things get tough, that desire to make a difference helps you dig deep and do what needs to be done. But on the other side, there is a heavy weight of responsibility, and often unrealistic expectations, which the person places on themselves.
There are many ways this sense of responsibility may play out, for example:
Staying late to complete work, for example someone taking on a new role may find that there are lots of problems, and they feel they have to fix them all, because of the impact on their team, or the community they serve.
Not saying no, even when at capacity, because others are relying on them, or they feel there’s no one else to do the work. And that it not getting done will have a negative impact on others.
A leader aware of the pressure on those that report into them, holds onto work, instead of delegating to protect their staff from burning out.
The exec team which creates an ambitious business plan, over promising, and ultimately underdelivering because they are under-resourced to deliver what they want to.
Situations like this will ultimately result in overwhelm and exhaustion. But it not only impacts your work life, but it also creeps into your life beyond work: as you work out of hours; not being present with your family or friends; the stress causing you to snap at loved ones; missing the things which are important to you. This all increases the guilt you feel, so you not only feel guilty about not doing enough at work, but you also feel guilty about everything else too.
Ultimately though, and this may be hard to hear, this is a choice, and in your control. The weight of expectation you are placing on yourself is too great, you are one person, you cannot do everything, nor should you.
As a first step to find the balance you crave, and to stop feeling so guilty ask yourself if all those things are you taking responsibility for at work
are your responsibility?
if you have to do them?
are they realistic to achieve?
Make a list of all the things you actually have to do, and mark them as immediate, medium term and long term, and what can be let go of.
Be realistic about what you can get done in a day or week – only plan to complete the top three tasks at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself more. Make sure you’ve left time in your week for unexpected tasks, and breaks! If you are being realistic about what you can fit into your week, this should help you minimise the pressure you are putting on yourself, and the guilt you subsequently feel.
But as well as thinking practically about what you can do to manage, you might want to consider how you’re speaking to yourself. I bet when you don’t get everything done, or ticked off your list you start to beat yourself up. I can hear you calling yourself a failure, useless, lazy, when there couldn’t be anything further from the truth. Imagine you’re speaking to a colleague, what would you say to them if they found themselves in the same situation? Try using these comforting words to yourself – remind yourself that you are doing as much as you can, that you have made a difference, that you can’t do it all.
Finally, you might want to consider keeping a done list instead or (or alongside your to-do list). Everything you achieve each week, however big or small gets written down, so you can see the difference you are making in the world.
Download your own Done List