The art of Noticing & how this will help you develop self-compassion
We can’t be compassionate to ourselves if we aren’t aware of when we need to and why. If we don’t listen to our inner voice, if we try to squash it down, if we try to hide from it, it will shout louder. It will be crueller. It will do everything it can to be heard.
Because that inner voice is trying to help you, it’s trying to keep you safe. It might be doing it in a way which causes you pain, but it’s trying to let you know something needs to be different, to you warn you about something, or help you maintain connections.
If it tells you how stupid you were when you made that joke, you’ll think of better ones so people like you.
When you make that self-deprecating comment before someone else says it, it takes the sting out of what they might say to you.
When it tells you your life is bad, it’s telling you it’s time to make changes, something isn’t serving you at the moment.
This can be so hard to hear, but if we start to listen, this voice will get quieter, and we’ll start to feel better.
So how do we do this?
Sometimes that inner dialogue is so consistently negative we’re not even aware of it. Those automatic thoughts become our truth. The first step to becoming compassionate is to start to notice. Here are 5 steps to start doing this, encompassing all 3 elements of self-compassion.
Pause and take a deep breath, close your eyes if this feels ok for you.
Notice, what are you thinking and feeling
Ask, have other people felt like this?
Ask, how much of this is in my control?
Ask, how do I need to respond?
Keep practicing this, and gradually you will start to become aware of your thoughts and feelings as well as experiencing them; you will feel connected to humanity and you will start to respond with compassion.
Once you start to respond to yourself with compassion, you can start to soothe yourself instead of numbing yourself to feel better. You will start to feel a greater connection to yourself. You will have the space to develop your resilience and a growth mindset (more to come on these over the next few weeks).