Positive psychology versus toxic positivity: The science of happiness and how this can help you.
As the Summer Sessions launch this week I’ve been reflecting on the messages from positive psychology, and how they inform my work with clients.
Positive psychology is still a ‘new’ science, with Martin Seligman describing it as “the scientific study of optimal human functioning that aims to discover and promote the factors that allow individuals and communities to thrive”.
The development was a push back against the focus on the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness, and whilst this is so important many felt that psychological was ignoring what supported our wellbeing and promoting mechanisms for this. After all, the absence of illness doesn’t mean wellness.
Since then, positive psychology has busied itself with understanding what wellbeing is, what supports it, and finding interventions we can all use. Along this journey positive psychology has faced a number of criticisms, central to these is that positive psychology simply tells us to think happy thoughts, and we’ll be ok, manifesting in this idea of toxic positivity. And I have to admit that I have held this view of it as well.
So, what happened?
As a science it’s growing up. Theories are being refined and tested, and new lessons have been learnt. We know what supports happiness, and we’re now in a third wave of positive psychology, a much more rounded position, where science is focussing on the purpose of those ‘negative’ emotions, how we build resilience, post-traumatic growth.
Positive psychology is the study of happiness, wellbeing and flourishing, it’s about how we can firstly understand what supports our wellbeing, helps us weather the storms of life, and protects us.
How does coaching fit into this?
Basically, that the evidence from positive psychology informs our practice as coaches. This means that your coach will have positive psychology theories and evidence-based practices in mind. They will draw on these when they are asking you questions, and sometimes sign posting you to or offering interventions which might be helpful to you. There are a couple of views on how these two things align.
Positive psychology and coaching naturally go hand in hand, and coaching can be seen as positive psychology in practice. As we’ve discussed positive psychology is all about how we flourish, and coaching is a forward-facing intervention, so these naturally complement each other.
Coaching psychology incorporates positive psychology. Coaching psychology is a branch of psychology which draws on a broad range of psychological theory to inform its practice, to ensure that it is evidence based and ethical in its practice. More on this later in the week.
Signs of toxic positivity in coaching
When you pick a coach, be careful of how bring the ideas from positive psychology into the work with you. Here are a few red flags for you to look out for:
They make promises on the results you will get. Your coach can’t guarantee your outcomes, because they are yours. Your coach should be creating a space you can do your best thinking, learning and reflection, but you are the one putting all that into action. Don’t let them steal your thunder.
They tell you to ignore negative thoughts or emotions. These experiences should be approached with curiosity, they are trying to tell you something and keep you safe. Pick a coach who you feel safe exploring these with.
You don’t have space to talk. Your coach moves you quickly into goal setting before you have fully explored the situation. Strengths and goal focus is really powerful in coaching, but if we don’t take time to really explore and understand the current situation, and the future state you’re working towards, then the goals may not be the right ones.
A coach who pushes you to use certain tools or interventions. As coaches we have a range of tools to draw on, and it's our job to know when they may be helpful. But you know you best, if you coach offers something check in with whether you want to try it or not. If you don’t, or you try and it doesn’t feel right, then let it go.
So how can you get this in your life?
Over the coming weeks I’ll share some thoughts about the pillars of flourishing and other practices which can support our wellbeing.
You can sign up for the newsletter for regular positive psychology tips, tricks and practices to support your wellbeing
Follow up on Instagram for regular prompts
Find out more about our Summer Sessions, group coaching programme or retreats